Tears Won't Fall
by Yakaji
Summary: On the surface, Flay Allster is a member of ZAFT and personal assistant to Rau Le Creuset. Beneath, she is a slave with no hope for freedom, no hope of salvation. Her world is four walls, a bed, and a man she hates with every fiber of her being. NCS.


Flay Allster's eyes stung. They wouldn't seem to blink properly anymore. It took all her effort to make them close. She knew what she would find in the darkness.

Fluorescent lights gave the cabin a lifeless glow. This cabin that now encompassed her whole world. At first she was confined night and day. Then, only allowed to leave in his company. Then, only with a ZAFT soldier for escort. Now, she was allowed to roam the ship freely, but only because she knew that there was no escape. There was no way out. There was nowhere for her to return, but this cabin. The cabin of Rau Le Creuset.

Again, her eyes stung, and again she willed herself to blink. Images flashed in the darkness, and Flay's eyes shot open once more. There had been tears, once. Tears had helped. Her eyes stung less when the tears kept them from becoming dry. But she had been unable to cry for three days now, three agonizing days. Still, maybe it was better this way. The pain was something to focus on, something to keep her mind away from reflecting on her situation. And Rau Le Creuset – Rau, she had been instructed to call him – was displeased when she cried.

Flay pulled at the sheets around her, curling her body tighter and trying to use the taught fabric to remind her body of what it felt like to be held. Her green and white ZAFT uniform lay crumpled on the floor by the bedside, still where it had been when she woke.

She wanted to lie there, feeling only the rough embrace of the sheets and the pain in her eyes, and in her body, but as she made herself blink once more, the tide of memories crashed around her. Sai, and the years as a student on Heliopolis, what seemed like a lifetime ago. She had been happy, and innocent. So innocent, before any of this had started. Kira, and her time on the Archangel. Bile rose in her throat at the memory, and Flay didn't understand if it was for regret, for the fact that she'd slept with one of the Coordinators she'd claimed to hate, or for the love that she had begun to feel despite all her efforts to deny it. A part of her still hated Coordinators, still believed in the ideas of Blue Cosmos, but now it was difficult for her to distinguish 'Coordinator' from 'Rau Le Creuset'. Him, she would destroy if she had the chance. And maybe that would be enough. But she knew, now, that she would never have that chance. Rau was too careful, too calculating. He claimed simply to be her protector, but she could never accept him as that. Kira could have protected her, if he were still alive. Sai could protect her, if he knew where she was. Rau could only destroy her.

Again, she made herself blink, but the name was still fresh in her mind. Rau Le Creuset. Images flashed behind her eyelids. His masked face. Sheets wound tight around her. The white pillows on his bed. Images, sounds, and feelings. Screams, pain, moans, and-

The door slid open with a hiss. Flay didn't move. She felt like a frightened deer. Maybe if she didn't move, he wouldn't see her. She knew it was a false hope, but it was all she had to cling to.

"Ah, there you are, Flay. So you decided to stay here today? To wait for me to return? That was sweet of you. I think you deserve something for your consideration."

Flay's eyes stared ahead, unblinking. She saw his desk, where his computer lay closed. She heard the soft rustle of fabric, such a familiar sound, and knew immediately what it meant. Still, she held to that guttering flicker of hope. Maybe tonight would be different. Maybe he didn't want her to…

Her eyes were starting to burn again, but the fear was too distracting. She couldn't force them to blink. She saw his mask as he set it on the desk. He had told her never to look at his face, and she had no desire to do so, but he made a point of removing the mask every night as if to test her. Then, the lights flicked off.

There was only darkness. The darkness she tried so hard to avoid. The flood of images assaulted her mind, but now she could not shut them out. The sheets, bound so tight around her, were torn out of her grasp, and she felt the warm skin of her captor settle behind her. Nausea overcame her, along with a sickening sense of anticipation. She could smell him, now – a cold, metallic scent she had come to recognize immediately. One hand settled against her stomach, pressing gently, as his lips came up to touch her ear.

"I'll always protect you, Flay. You know I'm the only one who can."

After three long days, the tears began anew.


End file.
